A powerful statement

Tonight, I left work early because we were slow. So, once I got home, I went up the hill to CALA Foods to buy some groceries. As I walked in the store two black men walked out holding hands. I did not make eye contact with them, nor they with me, but I tought, "What a powerful statement!"

In the last couple of years, my Communication Studies included discussions and projects of race, gender, identity, and sexuality. I can think of no more powerful statement than seeing two black men, (probably a couple), holding hands. I say this because one of the subjects that I read in my studies was men on the "down low" or men who have sex with other men, but who don't identify as gay. Seeing these two men reinforced my belief that once one acknowleges the power they own, not much can touch you. So, the display of basic intimacy by these two men is indeed a powerful statement, that goes against the limitations of the "down low".

In most parts of the world, the issues of sexuality, and specifically, coming out and being visible, remain damgerous and many people, who acknowlede the truth about themselves and are out run the risk of persection and/or death for those who are living a kind of private hell, let the example of these two men, speak for itself and encourage you to take control of your life.

Go and see "Milk"

In particular young GLBT people should see this film. The opening sequence really shows how much some of us in the GLBT community take for granted. Sean Penn is excellent in the role. I saw this film, yesterday, at the Castro Theatre which made it all the more poignant.

Yes, we can and we did!

What a historic day! Once the euphoria is over, let's ALL get to work, on changing the course of this great country after this malaise we've been through. Godspeed!

Thank you for being a friend...

Estelle Getty of "The Golden Girls" passed away yesterday and during my work shift yesterday, I thought a lot of Sophia, the character she played on "The Golden Girls", because she was so funny. During the run of the show, whatever bad mood I might have been in, when I watched "The Golden Girls", I laughed and my mood changed. In those days, during the 1980's, I had no idea I was going through depression, so for that reason I am sadder than usual of her passing. On the corner of 18th and Castro Streets, in front of the Bank of America, it is customary, at times, for people to set up some sort of tribute when someone famous passes on. I thought since "The Golden Girls" was so popular and beloved by several generations of LGBT folk, there might be some makeshift tribute on that corner, so after work, late yesterday, I went over to the Castro, to find nothing there. I must say, I was a bit disappointed, and yet I know my fellow GLBT folk will have that show in their hearts for a long time.

While in the Castro, I stopped off at 440 and ran into Emilio, a therapist that I, a patient was seeing. During our sessions together, I merely scratched the surface of all my issues. I told him of my breakthrough with my therapist Ronald, who he knows, and of my brand new degree. I was good to see Emilio and when he had to leave, I thanked him for being one many people, via AGUILAS/El Ambiente, who served as an example and inspiration in the process of completing my degree, we then gave each other a hug...as friends.

Dolores Park

Despite having gone to the gym today, for the first time in 6 1/2 months, today at mid-year, I went for a long walk. I wallked through Little Saigon, Civic Center, South of Market, The Mission and finally decided to just sit in Dolores Park and watch the dogs and their care givers go by. I miss having a dog, but know, I don't have time to take care of one. Still, the scenery reminded me why I'm fortunate to live in this city.

Gay Pride Weekend 2008

Gay Pride Weekend is once again upon us here in the Bay Area. This will mark 20 years since I attended my first Gay Pride Parade in San Diego, 1988. From time to time, I hear about the lack of visibility of people of color within gay or gay-friendly neighborhoods....oh, poo: My suggestion is to become visible, on your own terms, but nonetheless, be visible. Let no one dictate who you should be....NO ONE, not even those with (good?) intentions. I find being part of the GLBT community as a blessing, and even if you only do it internally, embrace your inner fabulousness. Happy Pride to all!!

Fears,Gratitude, and Smiles

Yesterday and Stacy and I met for coffee and lunch at Stonestown Shopping Center. I lamented that because I had a late summer trip to San Diego/Tijuana in late summer, I would not be able to join him on his trip to Atlanta, a trip he planned prior to our relationship. As we talked, my insecurities came up, I feared disappointing him, I feared I was being flaky and in trun hurting him. When I got on the "M" streetcar to come to work, I thought about how grateful and fortunate I am to have such an understanding man in my life. Stacy and I have both gone thru the same experiences of solitude, hard-headedness, solitude, etc... to empathize with one another. These mutual experiences help to make us a strong couple. When I got to work, I felt better and called to tell him so. As I walked to work, up on Stockton Street, right at Macy's, I spot Hot House porn star, Ross Hurston, in a bit of a hurry....I smiled and along with spending time with my beloved Stacy, seeing a hot porn star made my day.

Previous post #4

Sunday, August 27, 2006
 

Late blommer...so what else is new!


Hey, my first post. Well, here we go...I'm looking forward to this. I am a Mexican, born in Tijuana, Baja California, who has lived in the former Alta California for most of his life. Openly gay, for eons. About to begin what I hope will my last semester at San Francisco State University. Somewhat moderate in my beliefs. We'll see how this goes.

Ciao!

Previous post #3

Sunday, September 03, 2006
 

41 and counting...


My 41st birthday. As I move forward into my forties. I am comfortable with being single. I have moments where I long for a partner and lover (I believe one cannot go without the other.) and I must say that in the last year or so, I am becoming accustomed to the fact that I may very well be alone for however many years I have left. I am quite independent, and coupled with my cerebral palsy, I believe this intimidates most people. There is also a saying in Spanish that says: "Mas bien solo que mal acompanado." Translation: "You're better off alone, than in bad company." Friends and acquaintances from all over the Spanish-speaking world have said this to me. It's good advice. Most, if not all, of these people are currently single and happy. There also seems to be, or at least I've come across, many of my peers, who are likewise happily single. Who knows what this means.

Previous post #2

Wednesday, September 20, 2006
 

Current readings and pornstar sightings


In a required English class at San Francisco State University, I am reading "Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys." by Dan Kindlon and Micheal Thompson. When I saw what was required reading for the class, I thought, "I'm going to have so much to write about!" Indeed, painful memories are coming back to me as I read the chapters, and as I give my reactions to those chapters. I recommend this book to any male. I particularly recommend this book to any male of color who struggles to balance dual cultures...On a much lighter note, I was just at Rite-Aid at Larkin and Bush, here in San Francisco. Gay porn star Jason Adonis walked in with some intense looking eyes, no one else in the store seemed to recognize him and I must say it brought a smile to my face

Previous post

Friday, September 29, 2006
 

Someday's, I just need to be around gay men....


Bloomingdale's opened a store here in The City. Now, in a city like San Francisco, (God Bless, Free Speech) there is bound to be rehetoric and arguments about excessive cosumerism by some of our fellow residents. Indeed, some of it is very true, I still felt the need to get a bit dressed up, spray on some Chanel (Egoiste) and be amongst the masses of people. Dressing up does change, my disposition. No apologies. None. While it may very well be a stereotye, we gay men were out in force,looking pretty stylish indeed. I've come to a point in my life where I know that there is indeed a world beyond the gay ghetto, but sometimes I need my security blanket that consists of gay men coverging together. Take it or leave it.

Putting my money where my mouth is...

Saturday, I take a bilingual competency exam at my Alma Mater, San Francisco State University, and at the end of the month I take a test for certification in court interpreting for the state of California. Although I've been a legal resident of this country for 40 years, my Spanish is better than ever. Over the past 15 years, I used every source possible, (short of living abroad), to improve upon my Spanish, and on Saturday, I'll get an idea of either how much more I need to work on or how well I've done.

P.S. My partner/boyfriend, Stacy and I are doing great together.

Being Alive!

Just about a month ago, I told a good friend from Texas, my two brothers, and several co-workers that at the age of 42, I was happy being single, well scratch that, I met someone and I am in love and it's mutual! Stacy (Greek name; Anastasious) and I are alike in so many ways and we've become close rather quickly. So, I am grateful, you really never know when life will throw you a proverbial "curve ball", I'm just glad I caught it.

P.S. Thank you, Mr. Sondheim for writing a song that so describes how I feel.

Insomnia...I can't get no sleep

(Cue the music...kidding) One of the symptoms of a functional depression is that sometimes, I don't get to sleep until after dawn. What usually happens is that, i spend the next couple of days, catching up on sleep, which means I end up rising after noon. Try as I may, I don't seem to get anything done as I try my hardest to sleep, except maybe surf the net or write in my blog. I also try to "quiet" my mind, but that does not seem to work, as up until last May, I was working a full-time job and attending school. As tired as I got, I enjoyed being busy and i miss that. I miss the discipline it took to balance, lectures, presentations, and work responsibilities. I have recently applied to bookstores in an effort to keep busy, and why not, pay off some bills, while I'm feeding my intellectual mind. Within the last week, I signed up to take a State Certified Court Interpreter's Exam. I fully intend on passing the test, and I will use the study guides suggested by the state's web page. Alas, the exam does not take place until May 31, which leaves me plenty of time to study and to find out how to get to Emeryville via public transportation. How is the idea of insomnia related to the opportunity to establish myself in a new career...one word: anxiety. More later...

Come on baby...one night!

Although I saw "Dreamgirls" three times on a large screen, movie theatre, bought the DVD when it came out, (and even saw a 1990 touring company of it, at The Starlight Bowl in San Diego, complete with 747's flying above), I could not resist seeing it again as "Sing-Along Dreamgirls" at the Castro Theatre. The audience was a nice cross section of the GLBT community, which is why I don't mind goin alone to these events. I feel as though I am a part of a community, when there are other GLBT folk around me. I have heard that a number of people who identify as GLBT, don't feel part of of a community, but I believe while there are many fragmented "subcultures", an individual has to go out there and find a place for themselves and not allow anyone to determine who should be part of a set community.

Halloween weekend

This year city and community leaders have decided to enforce a "No Party" policy in the Castro, where many businesses will either close early, or not open at all on Wednesday, October 31, 2007, the official day of Halloween. This is due to last year's violence in the Castro brought on by people who want to ruin the usual fun and revelry on Halloween in the Castro. So this year, since I had both Saturday and Sunday off, I decided to be a spectator in the "unofficial" celebration in the Castro, and I felt safer than I did three years back, when as I was leaving I felt fear as I noticed many visitors with angry looks on their faces.

After the fun I walked from the Castro to SOMA to The Powerhouse, there was a benefit for charity, where for $5 dollars, I got to do a "frozen mudslide" shot off of Raging Stallion Studio star Tober Brandt. All in all, I'm glad I work on Halloween, where I am likely to avoid the angry scowls of those who wish to ruin a celebration of creativity and expression, now I can only hope those people decide to stay home

Remembering the Party

Last night and well into the early morning, I attended, "Remember the Party" in SOMA, a life affirming event for those of us of a certain age who remember the fabulous music of 70's and 80's. There were men (and a number of women) all with regular bodies dancing up a storm and feeling great. I felt so comfortable around men with regular bodies that I followed the tide and took my shirt off with the rest of them. I thank them for making me feel comfortable, I thank them for the energy they brought to the space, and more than ever, I will embrace my forties with a vigor.

Motivation

Last night, I went to the gym for the first time in 3 1/2 months. There was a time, not so long ago, that used to work out, 3 or 4 times a week. I stopped going after working full-time and attending school to complete my degree. This summer as I have been busy with work and participating in a job search group at The Center, I have not gone to the gym , but I've become aware of my need for exercise by atthe very least walking to my destinations rather than taking public transportation. My cerebral palsy makes me aware that my muscles need to to remain flexible....and lately they haven't. At the Folsom Street fair, last Sunday, I had difficulty with something any flexible person would have been able to do easily (and no, It's not what you think!) So, with that incident, I will be more motivated to work out at the gym at least a few times a week.

The Folsom Street Fair 2007: My thoughts

About an hour ago, I got home from work. Yesterday, I attended the Folsom Street Fair volunteering at a booth for The Center. I must say after 20 years as an out gay man, I've not tired and continue to get a kick out of being part of a GLBT(hetero-friendly) event. There were, of course, the usual naked people, who needed to cover up, however I saw several couples at this event and with all due respect to all couples, I find nothing hotter than to see two masculine, (not neccesarily muscle-bound) men holding one another's hand and going about their business. Anything public act that challenges archaic, stifling beleifs meant to control and conform, is something that, while I won't neccesarily partake in, I can accept.

P.S.: If those masculine, hand-holding couples happen to be wearing buttless chaps, it's extra points in my book!

Dropping off the face of the earth...then reappearing

Street fairs in San Francisco are more than just places to people watch or be seen, invariably you're bound to find someone you've not seen in a significant amount of time. Once at The Harrison Street Fair some years back, I ran into a friend who commented that we hadn't seen each other in so long, that he thought, I had either moved or fallen off the face of the earth. Indeed, when you pursue your studies and work full-time, you do disappear. Today, at The Dore Alley Fair, I ran into several people I knew, but had not seen in a long time. Many of these people, were members of AGUILAS/El Ambiente when I first moved to The City. Today, I had the opportunity to thank them for their encouragement and positive wishes. I am grateful for a chance to thank them in person, it made reappearing all that more sweet.